


you're the only person i wanted to tell.

by enbymickey



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Lip makes an appearance, M/M, anyway ian is a mess, at least I hope, but still kinda ties in with everything and the whole 7x10/7x11 storyline still makes sense, ian goes to visit mickey in jail after the whole losing his patient thing, so season 7 au !
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:00:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23767342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbymickey/pseuds/enbymickey
Summary: for the past two years everything has been wrong. like everything around him has been moved three or so inches to the right and he can’t fix it, he can’t adjust to it. he’s tried to get used to it but he keeps bumping into everything, he keeps tripping over everything. life without mickey is like everything is three inches to right, he can live with it but it’s still wrong. it doesn’t feel right, it’s uncomfortable and off balance. without mickey everything feels wrong.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 8
Kudos: 80





	you're the only person i wanted to tell.

**Author's Note:**

> hi : ) so we've been rewatching and rewatched That scene and i was simply like this will not do! so i decided to do some lil Fixing and this is what i came up with.

waking up is slow. it’s pulling the blanket over his head and feeling the aches of yesterday all throughout his body. his pain feels physical even though he knows it’s not. he had lost his first patient and everyone told him it wouldn’t be easy, everyone warned him but this is not the kind of pain you can prepare for.

he keeps seeing her, he keeps hearing her and he wants it to just all fade to black, to feel nothing. he wishes he could feel nothing like he has before but it doesn’t, he feels it all - he feels everything. but he keeps thinking about something else too.  **_someone else_ ** . he had told trevor that the only person he wanted to tell was him after running to him but even running to him felt forced, like he had to force himself to run to him and he doesn’t understand. he never had to force himself with - 

no he can’t think about him. he can’t. he won’t. he’s moving on. no, he’s moved on. he has. but his mind keeps shifting back to him, one minute it’s the woman, the next minute it’s the beautiful south side man he hasn’t seen in so long and he hates himself for it. 

he’s supposed to be a different person, leave that part of his life behind but something doesn’t feel right, no matter how hard he tries something doesn’t feel right. he doesn’t understand why.

fuck - he cant think about this. he’s moving on. he’s moved on. it’s what’s best for mickey. it is. 

what he wants, how he feels about it doesn’t matter to him, it never has.

long legs finally climb out of bed around noon, making his way down to the kitchen and it’s quiet, he hates the house when it’s quiet. this house, it isn’t supposed to be quiet, another thing that feels wrong. meds are taken even though he doesn’t want to, frozen waffles are thrown into the toaster and cup of coffee is made.

he’s standing at the counter, staring at the coffee maker. something is wrong, something isn’t right, it makes the entire room feel off, the entire world off balance or some shit but he can’t put his finger on it, he can’t figure out why it’s so off.  **_why is it so off?_ **

lip walks in, grabbing a coffee mug and blinking at his younger brother. “ian, you alright?” 

ian doesn’t say anything, he’s still staring at the counter. it’s the coffee maker. he blinks, not looking at lip. it’s the coffee maker, it’s been moved. it moved.

“the coffee maker isn’t right.” 

lip, confused, turns to the old, shitty coffee maker they’ve had for years. “the thing finally break or something?” 

“no it’s - it’s not - it’s not right.” 

lip doesn’t understand, it looks the exact same to him.

ian moves, large hands shifting it three inches to the right and he stares at it. now it’s right. the room is no longer off balance.

maybe it’s something like that. with mickey - jesus christ he just can’t let this go can he? he’s been walking around and lying to himself for so long but he can’t anymore, this is why he didn’t want to think about him. for the past two years everything has been wrong. like everything around him has been moved three or so inches to the right and he can’t fix it, he can’t adjust to it. he’s tried to get used to it but he keeps bumping into everything, he keeps tripping over everything. life without mickey is like everything is three inches to right, he can live with it but it’s still wrong. it doesn’t feel right, it’s uncomfortable and off balance. without mickey everything feels wrong.

but he ruined that from part embarrassment and part just not wanting mickey to have to watch him turn into the one thing ian is so scared of becoming. mickey doesn’t deserve to feel that kind of pain and ian doesn’t think he’s worth that pain. but even after all this time he knows the only person for him is mickey even when he’s lying to himself, trying to find the complete opposite of mickey - nothing ever works, everything is three inches to the right. 

lip is still standing in the middle of the kitchen looking at him with concern, years ago he would’ve seen it as pity and hated it but now he just sees the concerned older brother that has always loved him no matter what. 

“i gotta do something.” always keeping everything to himself, growing up it was just easier with everyone else’s more important bullshit going on and all the secrets he had to keep involving the men in his life now it’s just a habit, a bad habit. 

before lip can say anything ian is out the door. the front door shuts and waffles pop up, lip shakes his head and takes them before heading to the living room.  
  
  
\---  
  


ian’s sitting exactly where he sat two years ago, telling the man he loves that he will wait even though it was a lie exactly like he asked him to. and now as he sits here, waiting and fingers  _ tap, tap, tap _ against his knee he realizes he has been waiting, even though he didn’t think he was. he’s always waiting for mickey milkovich. 

  
  


mickey’s told he has a visitor and he thinks that has to be a mistake, there hasn’t been anyone to see him in years and there’s no way they’d start now but hell, he’s not going to argue because maybe there’s some part of his supposed family coming to tell him that terry’s finally kicked the bucket or some shit - he tries not to get too excited about that, doesn’t want to get his hopes up.

cuffs dig into the skin of his wrists as he walks out into the room with glass windows separating them from the free assholes, probably doing shit they just haven’t gotten caught for yet. he stops as soon as he sees who it is, ian fuckin’ gallagher. last person he’d expect to see here, especially looking stressed and exhausted like that. 

cuffs are off, he’s sitting down. he takes a moment to pick up the phone, ian’s already got his to his ear and he looks like he’s getting more and more stressed by the moment. mickey picks it up and nods. “gallagher.” 

ian smiles, he actually smiles even though he’s going through so much right now that one word, that voice, it actually made him smile. everything has suddenly been moved back the three inches. he knows it’s selfish, he knows it’s unfair.

“mick.” he’s taking in how good he looks, his hair is longer and stubble is grown out but there’s no time to think about that. “lost someone last night.”

“the fuck are you talking about?” and ian realizes he has no idea, he has no idea that he’s gotten his life together and became an emt, no idea that he’s found his purpose and now he feels even more stupid, he feels even more embarassed for showing up here. It’s just what felt right, it’s what’s right. 

“uh - i’m an emt now. lost my first patient last night.” mickey’s brows shoot up but there’s not an ounce of confusion on his face, there’s a gentle smile that makes ian’s chest feel warm in a way he hasn’t felt in years. 

mickey’s proud of him. it’s in his eyes and smile, he’s so proud of him. he always knew the kid would be saving lives, started with him after all. 

  
  
  
  


“came all the way down here just to tell me that?” mickey’s losing patience despite the pride that is still lingering in his eyes and he has every right to be, ian only came down here after something happened to him. jesus christ, he’s so tired of messing it all up.

ian sighs,  **_you’re the only person i wanted to tell_ ** . it’s been playing over and over again in his head, how wrong it was to say to someone that wasn’t mickey, how far from the truth it actually was. “i know i shouldn’t be here.” the only place he wants to be is with mickey but he hates seeing him behind this glass though, knowing he’s stuck in there and there’s nothing he can do about it. it’s all his fault too. 

“nothing has felt right, mick.” it’s soft, quiet - only for mickey to hear. he doesn’t like admitting that he’s wrong, never has but he’s never been so wrong before. “since that fucking day on the porch nothing has felt right.” 

mickey blinks slowly, mouth hangs low. speechless - only ever been speechless a few times in his life, all having to do with ian gallagher. 

“nothing has felt right because nothing is right, mick. fuck - look at you, stuck behind that glass. stuck in there, that’s not right.” 

mickey disagrees, this is always where he was meant to be, was always going to be where he ended up but he doesn’t correct him, doesn’t say anything. 

“i know it’s selfish as fuck, me being here but - you’re the only person i wanted to tell, mick.” 

mickey still doesn’t say anything, he’s just staring at him and ian feels like a fool, feels embarrassed for coming. he knew it was a mistake but he did it anyway. 

but before ian can spiral too much, before the alarm goes off and ian has to go home while mickey is stuck in this damn prison mickey speaks. 

“took you fuckin’ long enough.” tone teasing, thumb scratching against his eyebrow as he tries to hide his smile. 

and ian lets out a breath of air, relaxing instantly. for some reason that’s all he needed. the pain of losing her, the patient still weighs heavy on his heart and he knows that will never go away, he’s not sure he ever wants it to but he feels lighter - he feels like the world is a little bit on balance again. 

the alarm goes off, telling people that time is up and people are moving around them but ian and mickey don’t move, it’s always been that way, them staying still in their own bubble while the world moves around them until someone comes to pop it. 

“gonna lose people, man. part of the job - ya also savin’ people and pretty fuckin’ sure you’re great at that so just - keep savin’ ‘em.” mickey smiles, smiles because he knows he’s right and he knows better than anyone that ian can do it.

ian didn’t even come for the reassurance on the job part but he takes it, he smiles and he nods because he didn’t even realize he needed those words but mickey did, somehow mickey always knows. all he came here for was to tell his best friend, the only person he wanted to tell, about his awful day, about something he’ll never forget. something that is part of him, just like mickey is part of him.

“time’s up, milkovich.”

before ian can say anything, before there’s a promise or no promise of more of these surprise visits mickey looks at him, looks at him like he’s trying to say something but ian can’t exactly place it. 

  
  


“everything is gonna be fine soon enough.” it’s all he says before the phone is hung up and there’s a lingering look. he’s up and cuffs are back on by the guard, he doesn’t look back to see ian still sitting there staring at him as he walks away. they’re always watching the other walk away. 

it feels like there is so much more left unsaid, untouched. like there’s still a lot he has to move back three inches to the right but it’s all he can do now. 

  
  
  


a few weeks later, a cop shows up at his door telling him that mickey has escaped prison and the entire world shifts. 

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment! kudos! yell at me really loudly from outside your house, whatever you want to do! i hope you enjoyed, i've been wanting to use the three inches to the right thing to describe the whole ian Without Mickey era because i feel like it perfectly describes him.
> 
> twitter: ianlovebot  
> tumblr: sandymilkovich


End file.
